These are the adventures of James Kirk, polymorphous pervert ~of the future~!

This Episode: "Peace My Ass - Part Two"

In which Kirk and Spock try a little redecorating, with satisfying results

Kirk: "What bad luck! KOR! Perfect timing! I HATE that Klingon bitch! She thinks she is SO MUCH!"

Spock: "I too found that encounter most distasteful."

Kirk: "We've gotta knock the wind out of Kor's sails! It's a moral imperative!"

Spock: "Agreed. But with the Organians telepathic peace enforcement in full effect, we dare not attempt direct wind-knocking-outing."

Kirk: "Yeah... yeah... that's a problem. If they even think we're getting aggressive they'll turn on the telepathic spank-o-meter and spoil the fun."

Spock: "No way around it. We'll have to tolerate Kor's presence, and just stay out of his way."

Kirk: "Bullshit, Spock! That urinal-licking, jockstrap-sniffing, slop-bucket cocksucker is gonna STAY OUT OF MY WAY, or he's gonna RUE the DAY!"

---

Kirk (whispering): "Spock! Listen to this! The Organians can feel it when we are and aren't happy, right? People fighting are not happy, and when the Organians feel that, that's how they know to stop it, right?"

Spock: "Jim, it's late. Why don't we just 69 and go to sleep?"

Kirk: "I'd love to! (whispering) But listen first! What if a person was a really weird person who was happy when they were fighting, or when they were trampling somebody who maybe even totally deserved it underfoot while wearing hobnail boots, or when they were pulling their enemy's arms off and legs off and putting the arms where the legs were and the legs where the arms were with a staple-gun - but they were totally at peace with themselves about it? Would the Organians feel that as aggression? Or might they think that everybody was happy, because they don't feel..."

Spock (whispering): "Aren't you forgetting that the victim might have a complaint or two?"

Kirk (whispering): "OK! But what if the victim is asleep?"

Spock (whispering): "What if you just suck my cock and *I* get some sleep?"

Kirk (whispering): "What if Kor is thinking what I'm thinking?"

Spock (out loud): "Jim... Jim! You! :::sputter::: Captain, just tell me what you want to do, and let's get this over with!"

Kirk (a bit too loud): I Want To Take A Walk! It's such a bee-yootiful night!"

---

Kirk (joyfully): "La la lala La! What a bee-yootiful night for a pineapple party! Right Spock!?"

Spock (dryly): "Oh, yes, it's lovely."

Kirk (delightedly): "And don't we have a bee-yootiful pineapple for our special pineapple party person of the hour!?"

Spock (very dryly): "A very special pineapple indeed. Guaranteed to satisfy all our pineapple needs...and soon!"

Kirk (ecstatic): "How soon!? I can't wait! It's like waitin' for Christmas mornin'!"

Spock: "We'll have four happy seconds to make fast happy feet in the non-pineapple direction...MARK!"

[Spock pitches the grenade into Kor's motel room. They run like hell]

Kirk: "Weeeeeeeee! Hide and seeeek, Hide and seeeek!!"

[bomb explodes]

---

Kirk (genuinely pleased): "Hot DIGGITY Dog, Daddy! That blowed up real good!"

Spock: "Agreed! A most spectacular display!"

Kirk: "Too bad Kor wasn't awake to see it! He would have enjoyed it too!"

Spock: "Actually, no, he wouldn't have."

Kirk: "Well, it's the thought that counts!" (laughs)

---

Spock: "I hope you are satisfied. We are now Organian pariahs: banned for life!"

Kirk: "A small price to pay for freedom, Spock! Anyway, we got some bee-yootiful threads for souvenirs, and memories to last a lifetime! One Kodak Moment in particular I'll definitely cherish for a long, long time!" (laughs happily)

Spock: "Are you sure about these clothes? Perhaps this was folly. I have nowhere to wear them."

Kirk (flirting): "You can wear them for me."

Spock: "Logically, why bother? You are only going to take them off of me."

Kirk: "You know me too well, my dear Mr. Spock. You know me toooo well!"