I've always been the daring one since I was just a tot
My mother worried constantly. I troubled her a lot
I'm told I never learned to walk: I went from crawl to run
At three, I climbed up on the roof and jumped off, just for fun
My father tried to tame me but it never really stuck
I've always had an imp in me that likes to press his luck
My family did all they could to civilize this ranger
Although I'm trying to be good, I'm still in love with danger
For me to keep a normal job would really be a hardship
That's why I am so lucky to be Captain of a starship
My profession is exciting - the adventure never ends
The bonus is I get to make such interesting friends
I have a friend called Mister Spock who outshines all the others
I love that crazy Vulcan guy, we're more than friends or brothers
He has too many talents that I can't help but admire
And since (it's true) he loves me too, we're like a house afire
I'm never shy with women and somehow a legend grew
That I was breaking women's hearts no matter where I flew
Although it's true I sometimes like a woman now and then
The reason hearts are breaking is I'd rather be with men
I need to have a man who is a type that's hard to find
He has to be a moral man, he has to have a mind
The life we live is perilous and so he should be tough
And 'cause I am a masochist, he'd better like it rough!
My life had been a lonely one, despite the rumor junk
And Spock? He had been celibate and living like a monk
And then one day when things were bad and he knew I was scared
Spock slammed my ass against the wall and showed me that he cared!
We couldn't make a go of it until he got the fever
Then Spock went home just long enough to meet his bride, and leave her
We fought that day, but since that day, we hardly ever quarrel
And if we do, we make the peace with anal sex, or oral
Now, you may wonder why I'd pick a guy with pointed ears
Who's built by mother nature to fuck once each seven years?
Allow me to assure you that that Vulcan is a ~true man~
And he can fuck me anytime because he's partly ~hu-man~!
I don't agree that I should save my urges so mammalian
For someone else who isn't something so completely alien
Since I'm a guy who's happy only when the thrills don't end
Who better for a lover than my wild Vulcan friend?