When Kirk or Spock are depicted in a manner that I feel does not do them justice, I feel outraged on their behalf, because I love them so. Just like I defend my friends when someone slanders them, I feel moved to speak up for the guys. This is obviously silly of me, but fan is short for fanatic. I am frankly fanatical and fanatics are not reasonable. I'm not going to promise to be reasonable because I can't keep that promise. I wish I could. It would be a sweeter world if I didn't feel the need to lock horns over meaningless matters, but that's not the world I come from or live in.
TOS script writers were sometimes guilty of carelessness, and Roddenberry is implicated because he allowed substandard fare to air. I don't care what their excuse was. Even TOS canon can't be trusted to be logical or even consistent, and that's irritating.
Outrage and irritation cause stress, and stress can kill if it's not coped with effectively. This site, Silly Trek Obsession, is how I cope. In my "Family Matters" parody (for example), I made effective fun of two of my pet peeves, namely...
ONE the ridiculous way original TOS created that preposterous domestic crisis about Spock and his father. Spock had been shown to be a completely different kind of character than the type of guy who wouldn't even warn his Captain and friend about the potential awkwardness looming. I found it highly unlikely that a progressive, moral, logical and intelligent Spock would allow a grudge to go unresolved between himself and a Vulcan of such high rank, especially if it is his own father. By pointing directly at this mess and inviting laughter, I exorcise my own anger about it, while at the same time providing a bit of harmless entertainment for fellow TREK fetishists.
Peeve TWO is fan fiction that makes no attempt to honor the voice of the character. You shouldn't take a character with a style and manner that we are all very familiar with, like Shatner's inimitable, indelible Captain Kirk, and then have him saying things the character wouldn't say, using words and phrases the character wouldn't use. One reason my parody Sarek is so funny is that his words do not sound anything like a proper Sarek at all! I came up with a voice for him that was so wildly off-base that you couldn't help but laugh. That's OK *for me*, because I did it on purpose to be funny. Some of the writers out there should be asking themselves what their excuse is.
Do anything you want in your stories, but be prepared to justify it! The "romantic" stories are not to my taste, but that at least is justifiable *if* it's done right. I assert, for example, that Kirk and Spock wouldn't putter around. If they were going to start a love affair it would start right away, and knowing Kirk, it would come to a crisis fairly quickly.
I don't care who the men are. One thing I do know about gay love between two men is they tend to make rapid progress. If anything is going to happen, it usually starts happening immediately. If regular men are like that, I'll bet you credits to navy beans Kirk would be double plus like that. The only thing that would slow him down is if Spock is reluctant. That seems to me the most likely scenario: Spock = hard to get.
I picture a situation where minutes after Kirk and Spock meet, Kirk has decided he wants to have sex with Spock. He wouldn't know how to proceed because Spock is such a big question mark. He'd study Spock, but not for long. He'd try the direct approach at his first opportunity. He'd invite Spock to his quarters, engage him in conversation, and before long would be interrogating him about his personal life. Kirk would ask Spock right out about Vulcan's attitudes about sexual matters, in a manner that was frankly prurient. He'd feel no guilt. He'd try to be delicate about it, but would fail at this because, let's face it, Kirk is no "Lord Chesterfield". Kirkian diplomacy in three words: _flying scissors kick_. He's a *sincere* fella. He's at his best when he's being candid. Kirk is a poor liar. It's a good thing he's a soldier, because he'd make a crummy spy. It would be obvious if he was mooning over Spock. He's always obvious when he's mooning over somebody.
Kirk would be *really* obvious to Spock, who's an exquisitely sensitive and hyper-intelligent creature. He'd know what was going on. He's lived among humans and is savvy about their ways. Look at the way Spock always asks people to explain their actions and choices. What do you think he does with that information? Do you think he just accepts it at face value, or do you think he thinks things over and arrives at some pretty interesting (if unflattering) conclusions that we can only guess at, because he's not publishing them.
Spock wouldn't *play* hard to get. He actually *is* hard to get. I don't think he prefers that or would choose that, it's probably just the way it is. For one thing, Spock doesn't play. He doesn't know how. He works all the time. Work is what's fun for him. He likes to be be productive and stay busy. Leisure to him means doing nothing. He's either working his ass off or flat on his back passed out from sheer exhaustion.
Kirk is incredibly stubborn, resourceful, and creative. He'd make a game of getting to Spock. He'd be obsessed, but ~HE'D BE PLAYING~. Win lose or draw he'd be having all kinds of fun with it. Until it dawns on him that not only is Spock starting to respond, but ~He's DEAD SERIOUS~.
If anyone can trap Kirk in a pickle he can't get himself out of, Spock could do it! LOL!
If Spock took it into his head to be Jim's lover, he'd be very organized about it. He'd have a plan, and a schedule of short-term goals to meet on his way to the end goal. He would decide, plan, implement his plan, and accomplish his aims without permission or advice from anyone. He'd be a juggernaut of will armed with a truckload of unfair advantages. Good thing he's a decent fellow who believes in fair play and keeping promises, or Jim wouldn't have a prayer.
Spock in love would listen to one person: his lover. He'd listen, watch, and learn. He'd think about what he learned, would formulate a theoretical blueprint for the relationship, then would test his theory on the object of his affection. Then he would adjust his theory with what he learned from that. His manipulations would yield all kinds of information which he would puzzle over deeply. What he would do with that information (and the conclusions he derives from it) might not be what we think he should do. He surely must have *some* strange ideas about how things should be, especially when it's such a personal matter. After all, he's a pretty unusual person!
Anybody who could be his lover would have to be unusual too. Take two outstandingly unusual people and rub them together any way you want...they are not likely to have a "normal" relationship! Any relationship Spock is in will be an unusual one if only because he's part of it. I think white picket fences are out. This is a not-in-IOWA-anymore situation, which is just the way Kirk would like it. If he wanted things like it is in Iowa, he woulda stayed there!
Kirk would figure out a way to wrap Spock around his little finger eventually. Kirk is not submissive by nature. He would never be content to remain the underdog. Spock would have to hold him down by force, or else Kirk would keep popping up like a bubble. Spock can best Kirk in everything when they play fair, but Kirk doesn't play fair unless the odds are even. It would be easy for Spock to dominate Kirk in the short term, but in the long run he would weary of it. Kirk would wear him down. Just to keep the peace or to get a break he might offer Kirk complete freedom. He'd try to be indifferent as Kirk proceeded to abuse his new privileges, pushing the envelope to see how elastic it is, and this would eventually piss Spock off because no matter what he thinks should happen something else is happening. He'd lower the boom just to restore some sense of order and sanity in his life.
When an irresistible force, like you
Meets an immovable object, like me
You can bet as sure as you live...
Somethin's got to give!
This would be a big relief for Kirk. He actually likes rules and living an ordered life: That's why he chose the military for a career. But it wouldn't be long before he'd be bouncing off the walls of his padded cell, pushing the envelope, etc., and The Cycle Would Begin Again.
In Maralyn Vos Savant's column, she was asked what would happen if the irresistible force and the immovable object actually met - would it destroy the universe? She answered that they might peacefully merge, becoming something utterly new. No one knows what that would be like, but here's what I envision:
Kirk and Spock would go through this who's-the-boss thing two or three times and then Spock would point out to Kirk that they have this weird cycle. They'd go through it a couple more times before Kirk would admit Spock was right. Eventually they'd try having no relationship and that in the end would turn out to be not just impossible, but just a variation of the same damn thing. Then they'd finally try changing themselves from the inside, which would work, but only after they both went through a lot of inner struggle, and had made substantial progress.
It would be a painful process for them at first. Then something really wonderful would begin to happen. They would actually begin to merge their lives, instead of fighting so hard to preserve their individuality. This would be difficult, and they'd suffer setbacks, but it would finally start to feel really good, better than they ever hoped for.
The key will be to keep their forces in a state of dynamic balance. This will require other people getting involved, and not just as sex objects but as full members of the family. They'll assemble a team of supportive lovers and friends around them, and a whole community of people that are supportive of their relationship will grow from that. I suppose eventually they'll found and rule their own colony. I guess there might be picket fences after all. With such amazing leadership it probably won't be long before that little oddball colony is exerting some pretty significant influence.
And that's how it would go, as the immovable force and the irresistible object merge, destroying the galaxy as we know it, on the way to creating a fascinating new one.
All site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 - 2002
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