OK, so I'm watching Corbomite Maneuver, which I had postponed doing only because I mistakenly remembered it as a relatively dry, straightforward suspense episode. True, there's a famous, trademarked bit of genius displayed by Kirk in this episode, but I didn't remember anything particularly slashy or sexy in it (I'm always looking for the good stuff), so I postponed analyzing it. I now see that was a huge mistake.
The first thing that happens is the Enterprise is blocked by a weird cube that looks like a hunk of Muenster cheese hanging by a thread in space. Spock is in command at the time. Spock stares at the cube, then we are shown a Spock's eye view of the cube, and all I can think of is the dairy council's snappy new slogan, "Behold The Power Of Cheese!" (tm)
So, where's the beef? There's a break for commercial before we find out. The beef's in sickbay.
Captain Kirk is on his back with his legs in the air in sickbay, working up a sweat for Dr. McCoy. No, it's not what you think. It's just his bi-annual physical examination. And what an exam it is, too! Captain Kirk is lying on a tilted table naked to the waist and slick with sweat - slick as a fresh-caught fish in all his shaved-chest glory - and he's pumping/pedaling some preposterous leg-exercise contraption while Doctor "Bones" McCoy stands nearby, smiling sadistically, and urging him on, thus:
"That's a boy, keep it up! Work up a little sweat...do ya good!"
Jim grunts, groans, complains, "You're killing me!" and keeps right on pumping. Hey, he's the doctor! You gotta do what he says.
Finally McCoy thinks Jim has suffered enough and gives him permission to stop. Kirk sits up, and suddenly notices that the ship is at alert status. Oh my gosh! We have an emergency situation! Kirk grabs a towel and blots while dialing up Mr. Spock. Towel around neck, Kirk pants and drips while Spock watches him, and BTW, gives him the lowdown on the situation.
Oh my gosh! This sounds like a very puzzling, very difficult situation! Jim decides to rush to the bridge right away. He's in such a rush that instead of getting dressed he just drapes his command tunic lightly about his broad shoulders and strolls through the halls past dozens of people, most of whom seem not surprised by this sudden appearance of a handsome half-naked man with a shaved chest who just happens to be glistening with fresh perspiration. I guess they have come to expect this sort of thing from him. Well, except for one funny guy who gives Kirk's chest a long look as if to say, "Love the new look, Captain", and Kirk gives him a look back as if to say, "What you lookin' at, MARY!? Wanna make sumpin' of it!?"
Kirk can't stand to stay out of contact with Spock for even ten seconds, so as soon as he's in the lift, he calls Spock again. During this conversation Kirk grabs a sleeve, and for a moment I thought, OK, now he'll finally put the shirt on, but no. No, he just had to blot his handsome brow a bit. He's OK now.
Kirk continues, tits to the wind, while the camera gives us a good long look at him walking out of the lift, past the camera, and down the hall. Hey, he looks good from the back too! Thank GOD! I was worried there for a minute.
NOTE: I don't know why Kirk complains in Naked Time about having no beach to walk on. He doesn't need a beach. The whole galaxy is his beach.
The next time we see Kirk HE'S STILL NOT DRESSED YET. He's in his quarters, and he's working on it. He just has to call Spock one more time first. Oh yeah, HE'S GOT HIS NUMBER. He stands in front of the viewer, chatting with Spock, and lets Spock watch as he slowly, and very deliberately, slips his arm into one sleeve, and then the other (like the reverse strip-tease in the beginning of Barbarella), and then (after stopping to chat one last time) finally pulls his tunic on over his head, pulls it down into place, and that's it. The show's over.
Except we still have 40 minutes to fill, so now there's a lot of people talking to each other and stuff. FWIW, Kirk looks good in clothes too. Especially in all those yummy close-ups. Aww! he's so ~cute~! Couldn't you just kiss that adorable face!?
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