These are the adventures of James Kirk, polymorphous pervert ~of the future~!
 |
|
 |
Kirk (sniffing): "Spock! What's that smell!? Smoke! Is something burning around here!? Oh! There's your answer! Look Spock, it's a couple of flaming queers!"
Spock (nudging): "Captain, you may remember Mr. Anon Seven and his... friend, the Ambassador."
Kirk (smiling broadly): "Of course! Anon, old boy! How's it goin' old bean, old head? How's life!? How's your so-called war?"
Anon 7 (smiling tightly): "How do you like Deep Space 3's fabulous GAY BAR, Captain? I can't believe you walked in here by accident!"
Kirk (still smiling): "Hell no, we're here for the happy hour buffet and cheap beer!"
[Spock tugs Jim's sleeve]
Spock: "Speaking of beer, Captain, I believe we've had enough."
[Kirk yanks sleeve away from Spock]
Kirk: "Maybe YOU have had enough, Spock, so maybe I'll see YOU later!"
Ambassador Fox: "Swing by the chateau and see us sometime, Captain Kirk! We have a lot of catching up to do!"
Kirk (smiling broadly): "I'm not drunk enough yet for that to seem like a good idea, but thanks."
 |
[Several beers later...]
Anon 7: "Welcome to my humble home far from home, Captain. Or may I presume to call you 'Jim'?"
Kirk (warily): "Not yet, Sunshine. Say, where'd you stow your tired old towel boy?"
Anon 7: "Do you mean is the Ambassador passed out for the rest of the evening and are we likely to remain undisturbed? The answer is YES. He and I pretty much lead separate lives nowadays."
Kirk (warily): "I don't suppose you want to be buddies with me after what happened the last time we met!"
Anon 7: "Oh well, that's all water under the bridge, now. I suppose you thought you were only doing your job."
Kirk (brightening): "You're full of surprises, Anon, old pal!"
Anon 7 (smiling tightly): "You have no idea!"
 |
Anon 7: "Try some Reelish - it is deelish!"
Kirk: "No beer? OK, what the heck!" (sips) "Say! That is tasty! Goes down easy. A little too easy. Is there actually any alcohol in it?"
Anon 7: "Actually... no. It's a children's drink, not unlike your Terran Kool-Aid."
Kirk: "What's the big idea!? I thought we were going to party!"
Anon 7 (cooly): "I'm going to party, Captain. You, I believe, are going to sleep for a long, long time, and wake up with a pounding headache and a very sore asshole."
Kirk: "!"
[Kirk falls over]
 |
Thug1: "Hey Boss, he's not completely out! You want we should knock him out the old-fashioned way?
Anon 7: "No. It's better like this. Maybe he'll remember some of what happens, and will learn to not play so fast and loose with people's lives in the future!"
Kirk: "Nyyyssshhh BOOTsss Anoon!"
Anon 7: "What's that!? What did he say? Lift him up! Hold him up so I can see his face."
 |
Kirk: "Okee dokee AnooneeRoonee you wanna play wish mee? Lesh play! Lesssshhh pla-eeee... MOTHER MAY I! You shay 'Mudderrrr...may I shtick my Dick in yer Mouf, an' ef I shay yeah-what-the-heck THEN you push yer prick in my mouf an' RAPE MY FACE! Eeeeeffff I shay nonononono, No, an' you do it aneeway, theeeeennnn... I BITE YER FUCKIN' DICK OFF! Okee dokee boys? Shound Like Fun? Lesh GO!"
[Anon and his men blanch, look at one another, aghast.]
Kirk: "Leshhh pla-eeeee...THE TUNNEL GAME! You be th' TRAIN...::::whoooo whooo!::: an' I'll be the TUNNEL!"
[Jim barfs. Revolted, Anon 7's thugs drop Kirk like a hot potato]
Thug1: "Oh Jeez, Boss! You don't pay me enough for this!
Thug2: Boss, be reasonable. It's kinda hard for us to humiliate him when there's nuthin' he wouldn't like! What should we do with him?
Anon 7: "Just leave him on the sidewalk to sleep it off. Excuse me, I feel a sudden urge to wash my hands."
|
WHAT WILL KIRK DO NEXT?