Kirk, And The Androids

by Laura Goodwin

Kirk had several close encounters with androids in Star Trek, and some people seem to think that at least a few of these show that he is heterosexual. Rayna Kepak, from Requiem For Methuselah is a notable example. When Kirk and Rayna meet, it seems to be love at first sight. I don't know what they put in the brandy around there, but when even Spock takes a sip too, suddenly it all seems to make perfect sense that Kirk falls deeply, dizzily in love with Rayna... just like that! He never fell so hard, so fast for anybody else in his life without being drugged or something. But hey, come to think of it, there was that brandy that they sipped.

Rayna ultimately can't take the heat and self-destructs, and Kirk is shattered over this. The spell is broken, and at the end all he wishes is that he could forget her.

Odd that Kirk could be so easily sucked in by a flawless mechanical doll in RFM, when in I, Mudd he would have absolutely nothing to do with any of them. He refused to let any of the Mudd's lovely female androids touch or serve him in any way, and at one point Jim asked Mudd:

"Don't you believe in MALE androids?"

The only android that actually did get any close attention from Kirk was Norman, who was the one male android that was readily available.

Throughout I, Mudd, while Chekov was all _I kind of like it here_, and Scotty was all _I kind of like it here_, and McCoy was all _I kind of like it here_ - Kirk and Spock were both totally _let me out of here, LET ME OUT OF HERE_.

Mudd actually looks directly at Spock and says ~for the second time in TOS~ that he can see that Spock is not the type who appreciates beautiful dames. Mudd said as much about Spock to Spock's face in Mudd's Women, too. Spock didn't dispute the point either time. Nobody else disputed it for him, either.

Kirk doesn't look super-heterosexual in I, Mudd, and Spock obviously doesn't either.

Come to think of it, Spock doesn't look super-heterosexual in Requiem For Methuselah, either. At the end, McCoy catches him watching Kirk sleep (and oddly, McCoy doesn't think this is weird). McCoy sets up the final scene by giving us all a pretty speech about the crazy things men do for love... then exits. Then Spock tiptoes over, melds with the sleeping Kirk, and causes him to forget Rayna Kepak.

I don't really know if it counts as heterosexual behavior when Kirk's courtin' and sparkin' with a machine, but Spock's obviously taking no chances.

Let's talk about some other notable androids.

Who can forget the gorgeous Andrea from What Are Little Girls Made Of? What a beautiful doll! That lovely brunette sexpot and Kirk shared their first kiss while Kirk was being held (very firmly) by a very large, ugly MALE android named Ruk. She kissed Kirk because she was ordered to by her master, Roger Corby, who watched the whole thing with evil glee. Next, Roger ordered Andrea to strike Kirk, and she promptly slapped him.

Kirk had no choice about whether or not to accept any of this. He was being held (very tightly) by a big, ugly MALE android the whole time. None of this was Kirk's idea. It was Corby's idea of a sick game.

Later in the same ep, we see Kirk's idea of a sick game. Kirk, while in captivity (which always kinds of turns him on) asks Andrea to kiss him. She obeys, then winds up to slap him, since that is what she has been taught, LOL! Kirk stops her hand and tries to convince her to play nice. She gets upset and leaves. Next, Ruk comes rushing in to avenge this outrage, which IMHO is just what Kirk was hoping for. Now Ruk throws Kirk around and calls him an inferior creature, which Kirk does not argue about. Kirk gets into a conversation with Ruk, and thereby manages to get Ruk so riled up that he picks Kirk up in his arms and makes like he is about to kiss him - and Kirk looks totally ready for it - but Corby busts in and decides to kill Ruk, I guess cos he wants Kirk all for himself.

MEANWHILE, back on the ship, Spock has gotten wise to the fact that Android Kirk is not the real Kirk, basically because when he strolled into the Captain's quarters (like he lives there himself) and tried to chat with him a little, the android acted all rejecting n stuff - which is sooooo ~not~ like Kirk!

Speaking of notable androids, we can't forget to mention Ruth, who is an android duplicate of a woman Kirk saw last 15 years before.

The best way to describe Ruth is to describe her one big scene:

Kirk is surprised to see a pretty blond lady and stops dead in his tracks to stare at her.

"Ruth?" he asks, astounded. "RUTH?"

The doll strolls up to him, saying, "Jim, darling, it is me. It's Ruth."

[NOTE: She's lying. Its not actually Ruth.]

She comes very close, lightly places a hand on Kirk's face (which he permits) then places her face next to his on the opposite side and presses her cheek against his opposite cheek, by way of greeting. Kirk is not overjoyed. He seems simply puzzled.

[NOTE: No hug, no kiss. She says hello to him like they are a pair of sister divas. Come to think of it, how do we really know Ruth isn't really Ricky, a very passable transvestite?]

Kirk tries to hail McCoy...no response. He tries to talk with "Ruth".

"Ruth...how can it be you? How can you possibly be here? You haven't aged. It's been over 15 years!"

[NOTE: Darling, how do you do it!? I want your beauty secrets, NOW!]

Ruth (obviously a rocket scientist) replies, "It doesn't matter. None of that matters."

[NOTE: If it doesn't matter, then why is Kirk asking?]

McCoy gets through: "Jim, have you found Sulu yet?"

"No." Jim says, "But I'm sure he's all right."

Then Kirk immediately gets another call, this time from another guy who complains about birds. In fact, Ruth can never get a word in edgewise because Kirk keeps taking calls. Kirk decides (without discussing it with Ruth, as if *she* doesn't matter) to have all his people rendezvous at the glade (where he last saw Finnegan). Finnegan sure as hell ain't up here.

Ruth: "You have to go?"

Kirk: "I don't want to."

Ruth: "You'll see me again if you want to."

Kirk: "You haven't told me... you haven't told me..."

Ruth: "Do what you have to do, and I'll be waiting."

Kirk: "Ruth..."

She walks away. Kirk lets her, and then he runs off.

Gee, I have looked at that scene dozens of times, and even since before I thought Kirk was Gay, I NEVER saw the slightest hint of heat between those two. The closer I look at it, the chillier it looks. It's NEVER stated/shown nor even implied that Kirk ever loved Ruth, or even really liked her very much. She doesn't really seem to like him that much, either.

In the same episode we of course met several androids, but the king of them all is Finnegan.

While ashore on the magical Shore Leave planet, Kirk starts reminiscing about his academy days and a bully who used to torment him then, a handsome, smiling young hunk named Finnegan. Magically, Finnegan suddenly appears, greets Jim with a smile, and decks Jim with a punch. Jim's reaction is quite bizarre. He stands, faces Finnegan, smiles, and lunges at him, ready to fight. Before he can get going good though, the sound of a woman's scream distracts him, and he gallantly abandons Finnegan to go rescue the lady-in-distress.

But that's not the end...LORD, no! Kirk summons Finnegan again later, and what follows is not pretty.

Kirk joyfully takes off after Finnegan like a kid let out of school. He chases the guy for a while, and then Finnegan allows himself to be caught up with.

"I want some answers!" Kirk hollers at Finnegan.

"Comin' up!" Finnegan cheerfully replies, and dives onto Kirk.

They fight, and fight, and fight. It gets real dirty. Kirk gets hurt. They fight some more. Kirk gets knocked out. Finnegan waits for Kirk to come to, and they fight some more. Kirk gets battered, bloodied, verbally abused, and thoroughly beaten up. He gets his shirt half torn off, and gets his face rubbed in the dirt, and they still fight on. Finally they stop to catch their breath.

"Not bad!" Finnegan cheerfully says. "Kind of makes up for things!"

"A lot of things!" Kirk agrees, then asks, "What's been happening to my people?"

[NOTE: He doesn't care about what's happening to himself.]

Finnegan sneers, "I never answer questions from plebes, Jimmy Boy."

[NOTE: Hey, look at the cute, familiar nickname.]

"I'm not a plebe!" Kirk protests. "This is today...15 years later! What are you doing here!?"

[NOTE: Kirk protests being dismissed a a plebe, but he has no complaint about Finnegan calling him "Jimmy Boy".]

"I'm being exactly what you expect me to be, Jimmy Boy!"

[NOTE: Apparently, Jim wants Finnegan to be a handsome hunk who cheerfully kicks the snot out of him, and calls him pet names.]

Kirk stands and pulls Finnegan to a wobbly standing position. With evident glee he knocks Finnegan all the way to next week with one solid punch to the jaw, laying the guy out flat, and he's done. The fight's over.

"Did you enjoy it Captain?" asks Spock.

[NOTE: Hey! How long has *he* been there!? Interesting that Spock felt no need to intervene on Kirk's behalf. He apparently knows Jim toooooo well!]

Kirk is a bloody, filthy mass of bruises and welts. "Yes, I enjoyed it." he readily admits. "After all these years...I did enjoy it! The one thing I wanted after all these years was to beat the tar out of Finnegan!"

[NOTE: But not before getting very well beaten up himself first, it seems.]

O-KAY! Very interesting!

At the end of Shore Leave, Kirk sees Ruth standing nearby, and decides to stay for a few days. He strolls (not runs) toward Ruth, obviously because he is going to go fight with her, now! ;) He secretly has been wanting to tell that icicle queen what he really thinks of her for a loooooong time! Hey, we have no solid reason to think otherwise. :)

So... what we got so far?

Female androids - Andrea (a tool), Alice 417 (rejected), Rayna (self-destructs), Ruth (nothing much).

Male Androids - Ruk (very physical relationship), Norman (Kirk's obsession), Finnegan (very emotional and physical relationship), "Kirk" (not Kirk).

OK, Kirk kisses, dances and "falls in love" with Rayna, but then he wants to totally forget her. Spock agrees, and uses a mind-meld to erase Kirk's memory of Rayna, and this makes Kirk heterosexual HOW, exactly? Not only is she a mechanical contrivance and not even really a human being, but Kirk is explicit about wanting to totally forget she ever existed. And Spock sneaks up on Kirk while he is asleep and magically grants his wish... Spock sneaks up on Kirk while Kirk is asleep and makes him forget Rayna Kepak.

And this doesn't look Gay BECAUSE....?

Well, anyway what's the score? Two female androids that Kirk kissed. He never kissed Ruth, so she doesn't count. He never kissed, nor even was polite to any of the Alices nor any of the other female androids in I, Mudd, so, although there were ~thousands~ of them, _none_ of them count. But was there love and desire between Kirk and Andrea? Nope. So the one that really counts is Rayna. That is, she would count if Kirk could remember to count her, but obviously, he doesn't. Spock has certainly seen to that.

How many MALE androids did Kirk kiss? None. How many male androids does Kirk remember? Probably all of them. Shoot, how can he forget them, when they probably left scars?

How many female androids did Kirk work up a sweat with? None. Kirk did roll in the dirt with two male androids. He got very physical with both Ruk and Finnegan. Very physical. And more than once. With both of them.

But the real interesting android is android "Kirk" from What Are Little Girls Made Of. It's just so weird how he is so rejecting to Spock! That's not OUR Kirk at all, is it?


All site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 - 2003

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